I Will Not Hate Everything Because I Hate My Job...

I will not, I will not, I will not hate my life, because I hate my job with all my body and soul.

I mean, seriously, I have never hated something this much before in my life. Ever. And I have had some crappy jobs, dealing with crappy people, and I thought I hated that. But really, in the grand scheme of things I didn't. Not with even a tenth of what I hate my current job right now. The job that, if I didn't have, I wouldn't have health insurance. I like health insurance. I appreciate health insurance. (You never realize how badly you need it, until you don't have it.) But I HATE my job. Hate it from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes. I think about having to go to it when I'm working my other jobs and I literally shudder.

The really sucky part is that for the most part, I don't hate this job because of what I do. Its actually kind of fun and most of the people I work with are awesome. But the parts of this job that I don't like, they kill me. With all my soul. And I'm not exaggerating it. Believe me, if you went through what I go through on almost a weekly basis, dealing with what I deal with and what i'm told and what I have to hear, you would hate this job with all of your soul. Believe me, I know what a crappy job is. For goodness sake's I had a kid puke on me on the first day of the first job I ever had, and that job was 20 times better than the job i'm in now. If I could walk away from this job, I would in a heartbeat, a nanosecond, wouldn't even think twice about it, would not have any regrets and would probably go home and throw a party and burn all attire associated with this position. Big bonfire. Huge.

Now, I know. Blah blah blah, you complain about your job, you hate it, do something about it. I'm trying, damnit. I have applied for position after position. I have tweaked my resume about 13 different ways. I tailor my cover letter to each position I apply to so that it doesn't sound like a uniform letter I blanket every company with, but that I actually took the time to find out about the position and stuff. I either haven't gotten past initial interviews or no one has called me or returned my calls. Part of that i'm sure is just that I'm competing against tons of people who have no jobs. I'm also starting to wonder if i'm so...God, I hate saying this...desperate for any job that I consider better than what I have, that it shows and I'm trying to fit myself into a job, that everyone knows I have no business applying for, or something like that. It makes sense in my head, work with me. The point is, I can't do this job forever. Actually, I'm not really sure I'm going to make it through the holidays with this job, before I go bananas, throw a hissy fit and go running into the night screaming "Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr again!" But, I have living standards. I like insurance and I like having a decent paycheck I can rely on coming in every two weeks. So, basically, I need a 36-40 hours a week job, that provides me with health insurance and guarantees that I won't be treated like shit. I'm probably asking for a lot. But I really feel like I'm not. I feel like i'm asking for what every other red-blooded, beer drinking American with a college education is expecting. I have a college education. And I'm really smart. I am so much better than this.

So, I've enacted a plan. Its my 'I'm going to find myself another job if it kills me, which it just might' plan. First, I need to really honestly sit down and figure out my skills for real, then figure out where all those skills can be applied, so that I can show I'm super awesome for some kind of job. Then apply for a job, hopefully do awesome in the interview, get a better job and escape my hellhole job. Everything else after that is really small potatoes.

I'll keep you updated as things progress.