The Fog's lifting?

Have you ever walked into a situation and realized for the first time, you're seeing it with clear eyes? Its kind of like the fog lifting, you just suddenly see everything. Its cool and crazy and disorienting all at the same time.

No, I'm not tripping. Promise. Unless you count my addiction to coffee. But I generally don't get coffee highs anymore. Makes it much easier to function, when you don't have the urge to do 17 backflips. Its just that last year seemed like a roller coaster for me, much like for everyone else. I was not handling things well. I think I finally realized today that I'm starting to deal with life better. I feel like I'm seeing the full picture and I feel better.

I was going to say that its not like anything has really changed from a year ago, but that's not true. A year ago, I was slowly but surely seeing what was heading towards me like a freight train career wise. I was avoiding it like the plague, telling myself that if I don't acknowledge it, I don't have to deal with it. Oh, sure, I took the coffee job, but that was just because I figured it would be helpful to have it to get through Christmas. Or maybe in the end, I knew what was coming. I knew I sucked wind at doing news. No two ways about it. Its not my strong suit. But, I didn't know what else I was going to do. So, I stubbornly kept at what I was doing, to my own demise. Well, sorta. Its complicated. Much like my life in general.

I'm still in radio. Yay! Not at the same capacity I used to be. I still get to do cool stuff and work cool shows. And, i'm still on air, just not as much as I used to be. I think it makes it easier to do it now. Radio has gone back to being fun for me, rather than something I dread. Which is freaking sweet.

Starbucks sucks the soul out of me. Its just not where I want to be. But, for the first time in almost 4 years, I have medical insurance. Which means I can afford to get hurt and sick. And I can tackle some health stuff that I've need to tackle, like a general check up with my doctor. That'd be nice. And get some new glasses. And get my teeth cleaned. That'd be nice too.

The truth of the matter, is that I think I've been working on parts of myself without realizing it. And I like the person I am. And while I don't like where I'm necessarily at in life, i'm positive that I'm going to look back on all this in about 10 years, and laugh, remembering the time I spilled soy milk all over myself three times in one week (which is a record, by the way), and being on the go, working events for the station and fitting in traffic and having to rely on my phone and my calendar to make sure that I don't forget where I'm supposed to be when. And while I'd like to find one job, where I can get insurance and paid enough to afford an apartment and a puppy, i'm working towards those goals my own way. I've come to realize that its not going to all happen overnight, and sometimes as hard as you work, you still have a long way to go before things really start to pan out. I'm mostly trying to stay positive about everything. Because worrying for the last year has gotten me nowhere, except upset and crying over bullshit that I can't control or situations that I can't change.

The fog's lifting and i'm starting to see the sun. And that's enough for me.