Never take a part time job, because it will become your full time life

That's from Pablo Picasso...i'm too tired to come up with things like that on my own, but not too tired to not acknowledge the smartness from where the thought is coming from. Because it is so true, at least at my estimation, that its not even funny anymore.

My life has become the radio station and Starbucks. Oh, and sleep. Those three things. I've actually forgotten if I've taken a shower somedays, I don't always remember what I ate or when I ate or if I've actually eaten. I dreamed about making Starbucks coffee the other night. I've had espresso contact highs on 3 different occasions, which has basically consisted of me babbling like a mad woman either to myself or someone else, mostly my parents. When I see them that is. I don't talk to my friends, I don't see the boy, and I'm lucky if I see my parents.

Its only going to get worse next week. I'm working 37 hours, just at Starbucks. I'd like to take a vacation from the radio station for a day or two at least in the next few weeks to actually have the ability to sleep. I'm tired of having no time for anyone else or myself. There are not enough hours in the day to do the things I need or want to do. I'm tired of feeling like i'm letting everyone down and I'm sick to death of busting my ass to make ends meet and getting nowhere fast. I have goals, things I want to do and places I want to go see and be. I want to spend time with people and be able to talk to people and have a conversation that doesn't consist of "I worked and I worked some more and I hate my life". THIS IS NOT MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will not become the best Starbucks barista ever or continue to be paid what I'm not worth to do something, where I don't even feel I'm appreciated at in the first place. I want to do something to help people, to make a difference and will give me some sort of job satisfaction at the end of the day. I want the ability to make ends meet without having to work myself to death. I want to be able to have a social life. I want to be able to vegitate and read and not have to worry about having to be somewhere or doing something. I want to be busy, but be able to tell people "Sorry, I'm taking a personal timeout". I don't have time to do that. I don't have time to cry.

I don't even have time to finish this damn post. Damnit!!!!