I'm old and itchy...

The itchy part I'll get to in a minute.

I'm going to harp on the old part of my life. You're going to have to get over it. I'm turning 30. I don't complain about too much, but you will have to listen to this. I'm getting old and I know it. Eating a cookie makes me put on 10 lbs. I want to be in bed before 10pm. I creak. If I don't move for long periods of time, my body actually hurts from it. My eyes are getting weaker. My hearing is not too great. Sometimes, when I laugh, I pee. Not a lot, just a little, but enough to remind me I'm getting ooooooooold. Oh, and forget my mind. I have to write down everything that I want to make sure I accomplish, otherwise, I will forget and not do it. (Literally, one of the things I have to do this week is figure out what day mine and Erica's tickets are for The Hunger Games. I have to write this down, otherwise, we will either miss it or show up to early.) I care about my rug in my house staying clean. Teenagers piss me off. I'm ooooooold!!!

It's fine. Really, it's a part of life and in spite of the fact that I'm getting old, I'm really happy with this stage of my life. I'm officially on my own with Ray and Eli. I have my own house that I may operate any way I please. (It's usually chaotic and wild and loud, but if it wasn't any of those things, it wouldn't be me.) I still wish some things were different, maybe that me and Ray weren't parents yet, because it feels awkward sometimes, when it seems like nobody else has kids. But, I am older than most of my friends, so I don't feel but so bad. Plus, Eli wouldn't be here, and that kid, he's my heart. Even when he's driving me crazy with his wild temper tantrums and ridiculous amount of energy and I'm almost dropping him off my shoulders because I'm desperate just to get him to calm down for 5 minutes so that I can have an adult conversation. (Plus, he's not old enough for me to let walk off while I watch him out of the corner of my eye, even though some people act that way. With my luck, he will figure out how to operate the lawn mower he's climbed onto, or he will grab the half open beer, or end up with the screwdriver up his nose. I KNOW my kid.)

Anyways, in spite of what I am talking about, there are things that I'm not talking about. I've developed the itchies. That's the only way to describe it. I can pinpoint the moment it started because I was terrified it was something else entirely. I had a delicious lunch of fried clams and shrimp. I love shrimp. Oh mylanta, love love love. I'm always terrified that I will develop an allergic reaction to it and never be able to eat it again, so I'm a bit paranoid about it. So, I had delicious lunch and then proceeded to move on with my day. I noticed I was a bit itchy, but just chalked it up to randomness and moved on with my day. 24 hrs later, I am laying in bed, dying, because I'm itching everywhere, my feet, my head, my face, my lady parts. I'm going insane, finally I can't take it anymore and march out to my mom who takes me to the hospital to get me checked out. 2 hours later, the doctor looks at me like i'm wacked out, gives me pregnezone and sends me home. I'm still itchy, but less miserable and move on with my life. But, i'm still itchy. It has disipated a ton since I moved out of my parents place and sort of have our finances figured out. But, I still get itchy. Mostly at work. My general doctor says it's not seafood, so it's a mind thing. Great. I'm really crazy. I don't know what exactly brings it on, because on occasion, it does happen when I'm not at work. But, mostly now at work. So, hopefully the college will call me soon, tell me I'm perfect and hire me. Then, hopefully the itchies will go away. The itchies are stupid.

Yep. I'm old.

Boo for being right...

I'm talking to those people who insist that "when you least expect it, everything will fall into place." Fine. You're right. That doesn't mean I like you, that just means that I'm willing to admit that you're right once in a while.

So, finally, after 6 yrs, 13 million threats, a baby, the engagement, 4 job changes for me, 3 job changes for Ray, getting the car fixed and other assorted hiccups, disasters and general mayhem, we officially have a house. We're moving!! Finally!! And, I'm doing it before I officially turn 30, so that means that I won't be the freak girl who still lives with her parents. Not that I wasn't before, it just won't be so bad now.

The house is cute! It's small. A foreclosure that the real estate guy bought and renovated and decided to rent out. Fine, whatever. It's ours! We have a washer and dryer, so no laundromat adventures w/ Eli, which sounded like a horendous idea. We have a dishwasher. I hate dishes more than cleaning the toilet. That's bad. The dishwasher is my friend. We took my very large tax return and bought us a whole bunch of new house crap. And, I'm really serious this time. We signed the lease last Sunday and we started moving in today. Like, our couch(es), our kitchen stuff and other assorted crap is over there. All we have left to move is basic crap, like the bed and Eli's room and other assorted nonsense and then there's organizing everything which I'm going to start working on Wednesday.

So, like there's all the house stuff, and at the same time, we find out Ray just got a major promotion and pay raise at work. And, then, I got a job interview with college!!!! Aaaaah!!! Now, it's just a phone interview, so obviously, the process is still long and crazy and I may not even get an in person interview, but I got a call back, so that is really cool. I'm actually on a good streak right now...maybe I should play the lottery.

I promise I'll put pictures up as soon as I have them of the new place! So exciting! I'm a grown up! :)

I am, in fact, Old....

Hey there, hi there, ho there! (Hehe.) Yes, I know. I disappeared off the face of the earth, without a word, for a year or so. Don't be hurt, it's not that I don't love the two of you who do read this blog. I've just been legitimately busy. Seriously. You want an update? Ok!

-First...I continues down the path of trying to be a good mom to the wildly enthusiastic, high energy monkey, known as Eli

Eli devouring his first chocolate cake on his first birthday...yes, he is mine.

-I got a legit job!! Holy crap!!! I left McDonald's (after I thought that was never going to happen), and am now working for...well, I can't tell you specifically. But, I will tell you it is for a large retail company that sells their wares on TV. And, there's only three letters in their name. Ok, that's all I can tell. Well, that and I now have legit health insurance. And, vacation time. It's nice. I'm not going to say ideal, because the people I deal with are NUTS! Not your garden variety either. But, I will continue to work towards furthering my career aspirations.

-I photographed my first official wedding!

My favorite photograph from the Anderson-Wall Wedding!

It was really fun! And, terrifying. But, definitely fun. I won't be doing any weddings for a while though, because I am just way to busy with my job and just don't have the time I need to devote to doing weddings. But, I'm still working on projects for my friends. And of course, taking 3 million pics of Eli, because I have to document every moment of Eli.

Case in point, because this kid, is cute!

That's the highlights. I mean, there's the usual nonsense, going to the beach, hanging out with friends, going to concerts, just having fun. Oh, and the whole planning a wedding thing. Ray and I finally decided on a date...April 20, 2013. So, we have a little bit over a year to start getting stuff together. I'm aiming for low key...like really low key. Like, having coolers full of beer, getting married in the backyard, hanging out with friends low key. Reality check: I choose a life over a perfect wedding. Don't get me wrong, I WANT a fancy wedding with all the fixings, including a photo booth. But, I have a life to live and what I really want, more than anything...is a new place.

We're almost there, finally. I graduated from college in 2006. That means it's taken me 6 years just to finally move out of my parents house. But, we are all set. Well, almost. There's actually getting the money and then putting down the security deposit/1st month's rent, etc. So, we're looking at the end of February/beginning of March. That's cool. That means I will be out of my parent's home before I'm 30. No, seriously.

This leads back to my whole point, that, I'm getting old. Now, please understand that for me, age has always been just a number. I don't have many wrinkles. My grey hairs are disguiseable. And, I still have most of my mind. However, my body has deeply betrayed me, to the point where I know I have to start working out, because I can't take it anymore. Plus, I want to be smaller for the wedding. But, mostly, I want to be in shape. My mom was a nano-second away from throwing away my brother's bike. I stopped her and said I would take it. I almost died, because I'm special and I tried to peddle around the neighborhood on a bike that was set on the highest gear possible, which made me work three times as hard and wore me out three times as fast because I'm sedentary at my new job. (No bueno.) But, once I dropped the gears down to normal person speed, I did good and now make it around the neighborhood 5 or 6 times before I go inside to drink water. Plus, I did something crazy and signed up for dun dun dun the Tour for the Cure. Its a road bike race that raises money for the American Diabetes Association. I'm a red rider, because I found out I'm pre-diabetic, so I get a really nifty red shirt that they get in the Tour De France...only red instead of multi-colored. I'm really excited, though I know that I may die. I'm only going to bike 10 miles this year, because trying to bike 100 miles in my first year is ridiculous and I would've had to start training a year ago to actually do that and I only have 3 months to train, so its better that way.

There's more, tons more. But, I'll continue to fill you in later.

I'm a slacker...

(Originally started in March. Prime example of slackerdom...)

I admit it. Don't hold it against me, I love all 3 of you who read my blog...seriously! But honestly, I've been well, busy. And grumpy, which really doesn't bode well for strong blog entries about adventures in motherhood or adventures in life. It mostly just bodes for whiny complaints about the weather and how unfair life is. I'd rather write about the mostly good, with a lil bit of bad in it.

I still haven't found a legit job yet. Its frustrating. I've been out of work since January. I'm not a fan of being out of work. Without the job, I am much less likely to accomplish things anywhere else apparently. So, i've gotten a bit messy. And put some weight back on.

(real time update 5/19/11)

I still haven't found a legit job yet. I've gone back to my crappy ass, lame ass former job b.c. (before child). Yes, I've gone back because of my finances. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm shallow about money. I like money. I like having money. I like being able to pay my bills. And buy my kid clothes. And buy some a.c. (after child) clothes for myself, because I need them. Oh, and food. Food is good.

I don't know what frustrates me more some days...the fact that the economy has sucked just about as long as I've been writing this blog, or the fact that the super awesome skills I have, can't seem to translate to a job that is worth, well, me. Yes, I think I am above fast food. I went to college. I have no business in fast food. If you want the honest truth, if it wasn't for the fact that the store manager is my mother in law, I probably wouldn't have the job at all and would either be working at the radio station making pennies or would be completely jobless. None of this, makes me feel any better about my situation.

I have put weight back on. According to a friend's scale, less than I thought, but more than what I'm happy with. This ticked me off so bad, that I'm forcing myself to focus on what I did so differently a year and a half ago, that not only allowed me to drop 20 pounds before I got pregnant with Eli, but also allowed me to not put on an extreme amount of weight while I was pregnant. I know a lot of it had to do with the fact that I developed Gestational Diabetes, which made me much more observant about what I was putting in my body, because the best way to control diabetes in general, is diet and exercise. So, I was really good about watching what I ate. But, now, there's no baby inside of me to make me feel better if I eat fruit and veggies, rather than 15 cupcakes. (Not that I've ever ate that much in one sitting...i'm just saying!) My motivation, most of the time, is helping others, which is fine, until I forget to help myself. Plus, if I expect Eli to continue to eat well, like he is now, I need to do the same.

I'm a slacker in other departments too. I have about 3 weeks worth of pictures on my Nikon that I need to upload, edit and send out to people/print. I'm slacking financially. I'm a slacker. I need someone, who is an adult, to kick my ass into shape. Or, you know, just take responsibility for myself and kick my own ass into shape. Although...

I'm not a complete slacker. Eli is well taken care of. (Check mark, Ray and I.) I just conned/convinced my mommy friend Ashton to do a 2 mile walk with me, which is going to raise money for CHKD (Children's Hospital of the King's Daughters), which will benefit our kids and our waistlines! So, that will be good training for the Susan G. Komen Foundation walk I want to do in October. And, today I drank a ton of water. (It was hot. Dehydration is bad.) Ooh, and ate a mango. (So worth the work!) And, came up with a good idea for what to bring to a Memorial Day cookout. (Grilled Shrimp Salad, yuuuuuum!) Ok, i'm going to pat myself on the back, kinda.

I'm not a total slacker. I just need to work on prioritizing. At least I know what my problem is! (Now, to solve it. Drat!)

Oh, fine...

So, maybe I have more than just the goal of being happy for 2011...sue me, I'm very adamant about improving my life, in small, yet accomplishable ways. Judge away. Its fine. I'll never judge YOU! (Seriously, I won't.)

Anyways, I'm intent on doing a few things this year.

1. Finding a legit career/job...Seriously.

I'm not fooling around with this crap anymore. I'm tired of working crappy retail/food service jobs because "I need the money". I can't stay at the radio station anymore, because they have made it ABUNDANTLY clear that where I'm at is where they are leaving me, even if I stand on my head. So, I just have to figure out what I would be satisfied with doing for the next 2-5 years, while I figure out my next educational move and Eli is still tiny. For the time being, I'm working on getting some kind of administrative/office job. Yes, I know everyone in the world finds them boring. I don't. I actually find that kind of job RELATIVELY unstressful, so it only makes sense to work in the field, make decent money and be able to provide for my child.

2. Treat my body like the temple its meant to be...

I'm bound and determined to walk the Susan G. Komen Foundation walk in October. And, yes the only times I run are when I'm running away from something coming after me, so no, you are not ever going to see me run a marathon, well, ever. I'll bike for a cure. I'll walk for a cure. I might even consider crawling for a cure. Plus, I'm continuing the groundbreaking changes I make in 2010 of improving my eating habits (as I sit here nibbling on an apple and a clementine.) I like the fact that I lost weight last year, and would like to be able to continue to lose weight and get fit and be able to play with my kid as he grows. It would be cool to not be exhausted. I'm only 28 after all...

3. Re-ignite my relationship...with photography...

I for the life of me cannot explain to myself why I walked away from my passion of photography a few years ago. Except that outside factors frustrated me so bad, that I stupidly put down my camera, like a fool. I love photography. Have for a very long time. Of course, this is also the year, that I'm purchasing my super cool, nifty neato camera that I've had my eye on for the last 2 1/2 months. After that, I may go ahead and start working on my side job of being a freelance photographer. But, the year will mostly be spent getting cuddly with the camera and taking random jobs from friends and getting a portfolio together. You know, and taking 3 billion pictures of Eli, naturally.

4. Learning how to be a super awesome mom...

Being a mom is a 24 hour a day job. Anyone who has told you otherwise, has not gotten up with a 3 month old who DOESN'T understand the concept that you are supposed to sleep when its dark. He's so cute though, so I don't hold it against him. But, seriously, I am looking forward to reading my books, learning about being a mom and trying to find the instruction manual for Eli...I know he's just hiding it from me. He thinks he's so funny.

5. Plan a wedding...

Ohmygah, I'm gonna die before its all over with, but yes, I'm attempting to plan my wedding. Planning the wedding is more stressful than the event or even the marriage in my opinion. I'm looking forward to the day itself, but I will be glad when we nail down a lot of these "silly" details and have the money for them too. It'll be good. I already have a lot of ideas and I'm getting my wedding planning book and a magazine or two. After I have my job nailed down, or at the very least by next month, I'm making an appointment to go try on dresses and see if what I see on the Internet is actually what I want to wear or if I'm just gonna go for a white or beige sheet and wrap myself 15000 times in ribbon with white flip flops. (Though I haven't completely thrown out the idea of wearing rhinestone encrusted flip flops yet...which my mother will roll her eyes out once she finds out about...) No tiaras. Lots of lilies (real and fake). Eli and his cousin Julie as ring bearer and flower girl. Oh, and designing my own centerpieces and invitations. ::claps excitedly::

Oh, 2011, I'm so happy you are here...here's to hoping everyone else's will be just as much fun. :)

Taking Stock of 2010...

Oh, lets face it...you always set out for bigger and better...so when it actually kind of happens, its hard to know what to do with it sometimes. You don't always accomplish everything you expect or hope to, but instead, I choose to focus on what did happen this year...

-I had a baby...

My adorable and sweet little Eli...

(Feel free to awwwwwwwwwwwww your head off...If you don't, there's something wrong with you, I don't care how biased I am...)

-In spite of having child, still lost 20 pounds...give or take...

This is just a prediction, but i'm pretty positive I did anyways...I know my double chin disappeared and my face is not as round. I take this as a positive step forward...:) And since I won't be going through pregnancy this year, i'm gonna shoot for an additional 25 pounds off the body...or at least better muscle mass...and continued better eating...

-I have more than 5 dollars in the bank!

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssss!

-I have less stuff...

This is a good thing....less clutter = more time to think about other things...like my kid...

And best of all...

I'M ENGAGED!!!

Ummm, omg, I have something super sparkly on my finger...that's just crazy! :)

Goal for 2011...Happiness...unadulturated, ridiculous amounts of happiness...Yup, I like that plan...

Working Mom Vs. Stay At Home Mom

That right there, is like one of the ultimate wars NEVER talked about. Pretty much everybody sits on one side of the fence or the other...I, of course, being a moderate, fall in the middle of the argument.

I want so badly to have been home with Eli for the last 6 weeks. Going back to work when he was 6 weeks old, was one of the hardest decisions of my life. You never know or realize how hard the decision is going to be until you make it. I never cried so much before in my life. (And, I had already cried hard through the first 3 weeks of breastfeeding.) It was so heartbreaking for me to go through, because all I wanted to do was sit at home with Eli, play with him, feed him, make faces at him, and work on personal things for myself. However, when its a matter of playing with him vs. him having diapers, I choose my kid having diapers. After the last six weeks of working, I can't say its any easier, its only more tolerable. Some things have changed at the job, and as of this week, I get three days off a week, which i'm thrilled about, because it equals more Eli time! (Yay!) But, I there are some realities I've come to terms with in six weeks.

-Working at home will not be a real option for a long while, at least not without a babysitter.

Let's face reality, when you are home, your child wants to be with YOU. They don't want to be home with you, while you shush them 90 bajillion times because you are trying to answer phones, read e-mails, and do other job-related things. Sooo, in reality, my genius plan of being a stay at home working mom, doesn't really compute in my head. Some things I am able to accomplish from home, so I debate about doing those things part-time, but I have to see how those work out, before I reveal more. No need to get overly excited...

- However, not working at all, is not an option, at least not in my case. And, in a shocker, it have nothing to do with finances, and much more to do with the long haul. If I take an extended period of time off, I might as well start from scratch with my education when Eli hits kindergarten. So, in order to avoid having to go through school, or having to work at crappy jobs to make a living, i'm going to try to get to the point where financially, we may be able to afford for me to only have to work part-time, so that I can be home with Eli a lot for a few years, but I don't lose out on good opportunities to further a career. I dunno, its all a work in progress.

Look, i'm not knocking one or the other in terms of what a mom chooses to do when it comes to life with a child. Life with a kid is not easy. A kid sucks up your life. It changes your life completely. Its much easier to stay kidless if you do not want to have to work your schedule around something that relies on you for the first four years of his or her life and then can suddenly turn on you for the next 13 - 15 years afterwards. The reality, is that you can't have your kid be the center of your life, because what the hell do you do, when they don't need you anymore. And, that point comes, eventually. We all have to suck it up and grow up. You teach your kids a lot about life. They teach you a lot more about life. A lot more than you expect and could ever ask for.

Being a mom is amazing. I love every second of it, and I look forward to all the joys and heartaches that are headed my way, because each one of them is going to make my kid and myself better people. Its why its hard working outside the home 40 hours a week. I miss being able to see life from his perspective a lot. But, you get breathing room working outside the home. You learn how to not be attached to the hip. Its still hard. There are still days i'm not sure i've made the right decision. But, 2/3rds of motherhood is leaping. Its hoping like hell, that you are doing the right thing, for your kid's sake and your own.