Hmmm...oh, hey there...

Yes, I slack on blog posts. Regularly. I have a life outside of my computer, and a serious lack of motivation for wanting to devel into my thoughts more than necessary, however, because of what is going on lately, I feel like I should. Writing down where I am now, and looking back on it, seems to help motivate me to improve my life and know what needs improving and what is ok.

I find that most times, when it seems like my life is going ok, that's usually when things are about to go bananas. I also always go back to my self-improvement project I was working on a few years ago, while I was preggers, because that seems to help remind me of what I want to do. I think. My knowledge of what I want to do with myself seems to change from year to year, so, I try to roll with it. Whatever.

The point, is that when I look back at where I was four years ago, compared to now, things are much better. But, they could still be better than what they are now. I have my own place, but am completely broke on a regular basis. Add to that, the fact that my legit job that I've held for the last year just announced job cuts and hour cuts, does not bode well for the gal that just got a legit place. So, I'm back to job hunting, but at least I have a current job with decent hours, pay and benefits, which makes life much easier. However, my standard of living is higher now, so I expect to find a job with at least the same pay and close to the same benefits. I am having a debate about whether I can actually afford the benefits or not, but I can change my mind on them until October of this year, hopefully I will have another job by then and not have to worry about it.

I've noticed something about myself. It's always outside circumstances that push me towards doing one thing or another. Don't get me wrong, there are certain things in life that I'm always striving towards, like being a better photographer, or a better cook. But, once I got this job that I have now, I got comfy. Then, things got shaken up, and now I gotta figure out a new plan. Again. I guess life is like this for everyone.

Anyways, I've got other things going on, stuff I'm not going to talk about right now, because I don't want to be all melodramtic and crap. However, this stuff is the kind of stuff that shakes me to the core. And, I was filling my friend Ashton in on it, and discussing how all this stuff happening makes me realize how much I just want to go ahead and get married. Screw the photobooth, fancy food, sweet dj, designer dress, fancy decorations, etc. Ray and I just need to figure out how to get married. Ashton did her wedding for $1500 total. I'm completely overwhelmed and don't know where to start. Ashton stepped in said she would help me! Yay! We're going to get together over the next few months with all the rest of the people who would help, like moms, dads, sibs, friends etc and figure out how everybody could help, so that Ray and I can get married by April of next year. My goal when I was house hunting was to have a yard large enough to have a backyard wedding in, however, that did not work out, at all. So, Ashton and her hubby Dave offered up there house to use for a wedding. It will obviously be small, but, with any luck, and epic good time. I go for epic good times. So, I'll try to keep on top of everything, not slack, and hopefully get this wedding planned by next year.

I got this. I can do this.