Oh, fine...

So, maybe I have more than just the goal of being happy for 2011...sue me, I'm very adamant about improving my life, in small, yet accomplishable ways. Judge away. Its fine. I'll never judge YOU! (Seriously, I won't.)

Anyways, I'm intent on doing a few things this year.

1. Finding a legit career/job...Seriously.

I'm not fooling around with this crap anymore. I'm tired of working crappy retail/food service jobs because "I need the money". I can't stay at the radio station anymore, because they have made it ABUNDANTLY clear that where I'm at is where they are leaving me, even if I stand on my head. So, I just have to figure out what I would be satisfied with doing for the next 2-5 years, while I figure out my next educational move and Eli is still tiny. For the time being, I'm working on getting some kind of administrative/office job. Yes, I know everyone in the world finds them boring. I don't. I actually find that kind of job RELATIVELY unstressful, so it only makes sense to work in the field, make decent money and be able to provide for my child.

2. Treat my body like the temple its meant to be...

I'm bound and determined to walk the Susan G. Komen Foundation walk in October. And, yes the only times I run are when I'm running away from something coming after me, so no, you are not ever going to see me run a marathon, well, ever. I'll bike for a cure. I'll walk for a cure. I might even consider crawling for a cure. Plus, I'm continuing the groundbreaking changes I make in 2010 of improving my eating habits (as I sit here nibbling on an apple and a clementine.) I like the fact that I lost weight last year, and would like to be able to continue to lose weight and get fit and be able to play with my kid as he grows. It would be cool to not be exhausted. I'm only 28 after all...

3. Re-ignite my relationship...with photography...

I for the life of me cannot explain to myself why I walked away from my passion of photography a few years ago. Except that outside factors frustrated me so bad, that I stupidly put down my camera, like a fool. I love photography. Have for a very long time. Of course, this is also the year, that I'm purchasing my super cool, nifty neato camera that I've had my eye on for the last 2 1/2 months. After that, I may go ahead and start working on my side job of being a freelance photographer. But, the year will mostly be spent getting cuddly with the camera and taking random jobs from friends and getting a portfolio together. You know, and taking 3 billion pictures of Eli, naturally.

4. Learning how to be a super awesome mom...

Being a mom is a 24 hour a day job. Anyone who has told you otherwise, has not gotten up with a 3 month old who DOESN'T understand the concept that you are supposed to sleep when its dark. He's so cute though, so I don't hold it against him. But, seriously, I am looking forward to reading my books, learning about being a mom and trying to find the instruction manual for Eli...I know he's just hiding it from me. He thinks he's so funny.

5. Plan a wedding...

Ohmygah, I'm gonna die before its all over with, but yes, I'm attempting to plan my wedding. Planning the wedding is more stressful than the event or even the marriage in my opinion. I'm looking forward to the day itself, but I will be glad when we nail down a lot of these "silly" details and have the money for them too. It'll be good. I already have a lot of ideas and I'm getting my wedding planning book and a magazine or two. After I have my job nailed down, or at the very least by next month, I'm making an appointment to go try on dresses and see if what I see on the Internet is actually what I want to wear or if I'm just gonna go for a white or beige sheet and wrap myself 15000 times in ribbon with white flip flops. (Though I haven't completely thrown out the idea of wearing rhinestone encrusted flip flops yet...which my mother will roll her eyes out once she finds out about...) No tiaras. Lots of lilies (real and fake). Eli and his cousin Julie as ring bearer and flower girl. Oh, and designing my own centerpieces and invitations. ::claps excitedly::

Oh, 2011, I'm so happy you are here...here's to hoping everyone else's will be just as much fun. :)

My First Baby Photo Shoot

I've been a pretty avid photographer for a long time. Even when I was young I was taking pictures and i realize that even though I didn't have that many friends in high school I still have a lot of pictures from high school. I didn't ever really refer to myself as a photographer until college, when I invested in my Canon Rebel my freshman year.

Photography is apparently something i'm just kind of good at, without really trying. If I could, I would have Photoshop and other such programs and would probably have a digital camera by now and I might even freelance from time to time. But right now, I have bigger things to deal with first. But one day, I will have it. And i'll be nerdy and do photoshoots and what not.

But even with only have a little digital Sony camera, I still get some pretty awesome shots. And I did a photo shoot with Baby Alex. These are some of my favs...

No, these are not edited yet. I really need photoshop. Bad.

This one is just my favorite, because his smile is just so damn cute.

Perspectives...

Note: Forgive me, I know I haven't posted, but my life has been pure chaos the last few weeks. Its taken me three weeks to post this thought process. Its very scrambled. My next post will be more entertaining or enlightening or whatever.

After years (and I really do mean years, its not an exageration) of taking pictures, I've come to one conclusion...its all about perspective.

Recently, I had the chance to take my trusty Canon 35 mm camera out of its bag, dust it off and put it to some more good use. I've had this camera since I was a freshman in college. Used my money from my tax return that year to purchase the camera. I was so excited, I could hardly stand it. I knew the minute I saw this camera in the window at the store, I had to have it. I was so proud of my purchase and protective of this camera, I bought a huge Canon case and camera cleaning supplies. The minute I got to school that weekend, I strapped on my camera and took pictures around my dorm, mostly of the dorm itself, the flowers I had bought, people on my hall, the outside of the building, stuff like that. Some pictures came out cool, some didn't.

I blame that purchase on my freshman biology professor, who's name I couldn't recall if my life depended on it. However, as it turns out, if it wasn't for her, I probably wouldn't even have taken photography into consideration, wouldn't have really gone ahead and purchased the camera, nothing. I had to do an environment project for the class, basically take pictures in or around the city I lived in back home, of one area that was an example of a "healthy" environment and another of a "polluted" area. That was easy enough, i'm surrounded by water, and I knew of the lake that I had been going to since I was a little kid that was actually in really great condition (and still is to this day) and then another body of water that connects with the ocean that well, quite frankly is a mess. Hmm. Anyhoo, I went down there, took pictures with, of all things a disposable camera, cause I was in a hurry and just needed to get the pictures done. (Yes, I procrastinate.) Got them developed, slapped them up on foam board and hauled ass back to school.

Went to class that Monday and did a little presentation, about the enviroment, the distances between the two areas I went to, the biggest problems with the bad enviroment, what, if anything could be done to improve the bad area to look as good as the good enviroment, etc. Anyhoo, I had to go to her office to get the grade or whatever and while we were sitting there talking, she asked me about my pictures...where I took them at, what I took them with etc. She said the pictures were really good, had I ever considered taking photography courses or a minor? That thought had never even crossed my mind. But once she put it there, I couldn't get it out. Of course, I, in my course of studying at Longwood, never got around to actually finishing a minor, but I did take some classes. Enough to definetely improve my talent a great deal. Or at least give myself the knowledge to improve it.

Well, in truth, I don't know if I could blame my photography interest on my biology teacher. Maybe it started before. Recently, me and my mom were looking at old pictures from when me and the baby brother were little and as we were flipping through, I stumbled upon a picture of my parents and baby brother as a newborn. My parents were looking down at him, and he's got his little fist balled up, he's all red and tiny. But I can't explain the look on my parents face, its one of pure joy and peace. Me not thinking obvious at the time, I asked my mom who took the picture and she said "you did, you just turned around, looked at us, and took the shot, then turned back around and went back to looking at the camera." I'll have to find the picture and put it up sometime. Its not the greatest picture ever, and its obvious that the camera quality wasn't too great, and had i moved a quarter of an inch up or down, I probably would've cut my dad's head off or cut my brother out of the picture all together. But honestly, for a 7 year old? It shows promise.

I guess that's why I like photography so much. In much of my life where sometimes my perspective doesn't matter or when I can't seem to get my perspective out there, photography is the one place where I can take a picture of what I want and its mine, all mine. Its what I saw at the particular moment, that I wanted to capture. Its nice to know that I can get those out there and maybe give people not only a peek into what I see, but hopefully something pretty too.

This whole perspective thing kind of plays into my life lately, well certain parts of my life anyway. There are a lot of things changing right now. Some of it is going to be for the better. Some of it may not be. And I find that there's not much I can do about all of it. I've been angry and upset and annoyed a lot lately. I'm tired of all those things. I don't want to be angry and upset anymore. In the past and even now, the question once in a while gets thrown out there of "What do you want out of life?" For the most part, truthfully, I just want to be content and happy. I want to enjoy life. I'll figure out the rest later. And some of it I may never figure out. I just know that in some parts of my life, perspectives have been blown out of proportion. Bigger deals have been made out of things than necessary. Right and Wrong and who's on which side of it has been put before friendship. It really is about perspective. But you have to put that perspective in the right frame of mind, or your doomed to never see the whole picture. (Cheesy, yes I know. Don't judge me.)

Anyways...I really do believe that photography is all about perspective. I believe in the end that no two people see something the same way. Or at least they rarely do. There are pictures my friends take that I wouldn't have thought to take, or for me, I catch something at just the right moment that makes me go "I need to get this shot now". But its about what your eye sees. Sometimes, its about tilting your head at the right angle, or squinting just right. And I think the beautiful thing about photography, is that everyone can show off their perspective.