As my mom (or Grandma) informed me this morning, I have two weeks and 6 days left until my due date. That is down right frightening news considering...
1. We do not have all the parts for my son's furniture. Oh, you read that right. My son is here in two weeks and I only have one shelf for his dresser and half of his changing table put together, because in my infinite new mom wisdom, I thought that this was a good company to go with. I was wrooooong. The company doesn't even have a website. Which is pretty sad and pathetic in the grand scheme of things. Oh well. At least his crib went together with no problem. I'll take what I can get right now.
2. I'm having my last baby shower this weekend. Lesson: Don't let passive aggressive behavior get in the way of what is normally, logical thinking, because you will probably regret it in the long run. Am I getting what I want in the end? Yes. Was it really worth it in the end? Not in the grand scheme of things. There are now too many parties and WAAAAAAY too much stuff. Well, the last part is not true. You really can never have too much stuff for your child. Except maybe newborn onesies. You can have too many of those.
3. I've been so busy, I have not packed a hospital bag yet. This is a bit like living on the wild side in mommy to be world, because I should've apparently had the bag packed like three weeks ago. I'm attempting to pack it this weekend. We'll see if I have time for it.
In truth, if you haven't learned it at this point, you are a crazy mommy to be. YOU ARE NOT INVINCIBLE AND YOU CAN NOT DO IT ALL! Two months ago, I thought I could do it all. I thought I could be a creative artist, a health guru, a good employee and a good mommy to be. You can't and you probably won't accomplish everything. In reality, you will be lucky if you accomplish a third of what you set out to accomplish at the beginning of your pregnancy. You will have to accept it and move forward with your life, because, your kid will not remember the fact that he slept in his grandparents living room, and that it wasn't painted, or that you didn't have the laundry done on the day he arrived, or that you didn't walk a marathon a month after he arrived, or that you didn't show off your creative artistic abilities right before he was born. You will care if he arrives into the world in one piece and he will care that you love him, and feed him and take care of him and be the best mommy you can be.
Realistically speaking, thinking you can do it all leads you to act crazy, do crazy things way out of your character, and slightly lose touch with reality. You really don't mean to, but it happens, even to the best of us. Blame it on the hormones. It really is the truth.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
The 2010 Self-Improvement Quest Mid-Year Update...
Umm, exsqueeze me, but we are already halfway through the year? Shut the hell up. No, seriously, I mean it. Anyways, since its been six months since I originally set out on the adventure of trying to improve my life FOR REAL this year, I figured I'd pause for a second and review what I planned on doing, and if I've actually gotten anywhere...
-Career Development
Ok, so here's the thing...unfortunately, the job market is tough. Whoa, way for me to blow your mind. However, I've still been job hunting. Well, I was job hunting until I got to be about 4.5 months pregnant and there was no way to ignore the fact that i'm, well, preggo. I mean, I tried, but unfortunately, while they may not come out and out and tell you they aren't hiring you because they don't want to lose you in 4 - 5 months to maternity leave, THEY DON'T WANT TO HIRE YOU BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU IN 4-5 MONTHS TO MATERNITY LEAVE. Blah! It sucks. I have lots of skills. I made a list of them for goodness sakes. But, you can't make someone hire you, I still fully believe that with all my heart. I have plans though. I sent my resume to the local chapter of the Susan G. Komen Foundation to volunteer with office work and event planning, because that is one good way to get some good experience, even if I can't convince people to hire me right now, maybe 6 months down the line they will. It can't hurt to try. I'll try to work on improving this after my son arrives.
-Financial Stability
Surprisingly, in spite of the fact that my job stinks and the pay stinks, I am on financially better ground than I was a year ago. Crazy, i know. But, our bills are being paid, on time. My credit card is going to be paid off hopefully before I go on maternity leave, and by tax time next year, we should only be paying two bills..cell phone and car insurance. Holy crap! The one thing I've sucked at is still savings. However, if we can continue down the path of paying off bills, i'm hoping that we will be able to start adding to our savings account when I get back to work. At least, that's my goal.
-Health and Wellness
Health and Wellness took on a mind of its own. Along with pregnancy, came my sudden addiction to fruits, vegetables, wheat bread, peanut butter and milk and water. Caffeine has not been in my system in over 7 months. (Imagine what I'm going to be like when I get it back, yikes!) I've cut a lot of unnecessary crap from my diet. I do yoga five days a week. (Not the most flexible gal still, but it helps with certain wellness aspects.) And, with Gestational Diabetes, i'm extremely picky about what I put in my mouth and how much. I'm not going to lie, i'm not perfect. I still like a little bit of sweets every once in a while, but it's quite different from a year ago, where I just kinda put whatever I felt like in my mouth and was done with it.
The one thing I didn't think about wellness wise, was stress. Stress is actually still quite a big thing in my life, and I really have got to find some constructive ways to deal with besides eating, or yoga...or crying, blech. I'll have to do some research on this and go from there.
-Education
There's a tie in I didn't talk about up in career development. But, its education too. Its considering taking tax preparation classes and becoming a tax preparer during tax season. Earlier this year, I ended up doing 4 different people's taxes, including my own. I mean, I got paid for it a little, but if i'm gonna do it, why not get really paid for it. I need to find a good program though. H&R Block has one, but its $300!! Aaaah, how do I pay for that? I'm researching that plan. (And looking into it for my mom, who needs a part time job.)
-Career Development
Ok, so here's the thing...unfortunately, the job market is tough. Whoa, way for me to blow your mind. However, I've still been job hunting. Well, I was job hunting until I got to be about 4.5 months pregnant and there was no way to ignore the fact that i'm, well, preggo. I mean, I tried, but unfortunately, while they may not come out and out and tell you they aren't hiring you because they don't want to lose you in 4 - 5 months to maternity leave, THEY DON'T WANT TO HIRE YOU BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU IN 4-5 MONTHS TO MATERNITY LEAVE. Blah! It sucks. I have lots of skills. I made a list of them for goodness sakes. But, you can't make someone hire you, I still fully believe that with all my heart. I have plans though. I sent my resume to the local chapter of the Susan G. Komen Foundation to volunteer with office work and event planning, because that is one good way to get some good experience, even if I can't convince people to hire me right now, maybe 6 months down the line they will. It can't hurt to try. I'll try to work on improving this after my son arrives.
-Financial Stability
Surprisingly, in spite of the fact that my job stinks and the pay stinks, I am on financially better ground than I was a year ago. Crazy, i know. But, our bills are being paid, on time. My credit card is going to be paid off hopefully before I go on maternity leave, and by tax time next year, we should only be paying two bills..cell phone and car insurance. Holy crap! The one thing I've sucked at is still savings. However, if we can continue down the path of paying off bills, i'm hoping that we will be able to start adding to our savings account when I get back to work. At least, that's my goal.
-Health and Wellness
Health and Wellness took on a mind of its own. Along with pregnancy, came my sudden addiction to fruits, vegetables, wheat bread, peanut butter and milk and water. Caffeine has not been in my system in over 7 months. (Imagine what I'm going to be like when I get it back, yikes!) I've cut a lot of unnecessary crap from my diet. I do yoga five days a week. (Not the most flexible gal still, but it helps with certain wellness aspects.) And, with Gestational Diabetes, i'm extremely picky about what I put in my mouth and how much. I'm not going to lie, i'm not perfect. I still like a little bit of sweets every once in a while, but it's quite different from a year ago, where I just kinda put whatever I felt like in my mouth and was done with it.
The one thing I didn't think about wellness wise, was stress. Stress is actually still quite a big thing in my life, and I really have got to find some constructive ways to deal with besides eating, or yoga...or crying, blech. I'll have to do some research on this and go from there.
-Education
There's a tie in I didn't talk about up in career development. But, its education too. Its considering taking tax preparation classes and becoming a tax preparer during tax season. Earlier this year, I ended up doing 4 different people's taxes, including my own. I mean, I got paid for it a little, but if i'm gonna do it, why not get really paid for it. I need to find a good program though. H&R Block has one, but its $300!! Aaaah, how do I pay for that? I'm researching that plan. (And looking into it for my mom, who needs a part time job.)
In other education aspects, I've had a lot of education on stuff I didn't plan on, especially the whole becoming a mommy thing. I'm taking a Lamaze class at the end of the month, a breastfeeding class, oh, I also took a nutrition class about having Gestational diabetes too. I don't know, my genius plan of getting a book to learn about my car failed miserably when my car died and we haven't been able to get the car fixed yet. I basically want to try to get a "Mrs. Fix-it" kind of book and learn how to fix basic things around the house, toilets, this, that and the other. And the boy and I have been discussing taking a cooking class together as something fun to do after I have the baby, though it might have to wait until next year depending upon the cost. Yes, i am in fact a nerd.
-Minimalization/Organization
Ok, here's my opinion. After the last 8 months, I really think minimalization/organization is a LIFETIME process. You can get rid of as much stuff as you want, and still end up with more stuff. Now, this may have to do with the fact that I keep accumulating so much stuff for the jellybean, but seriously, the amount of clothes I've donated, the things from college that i've gone through and decided what I did or didn't want once and for all, and then minimizing my parents house down some, its been unreal. We've gotten rid of so much stuff. But, it feels like we have so much more stuff!! I was really proud of myself for getting rid of quite a bit of our DVD collection, which was craziness, and in actuality, we only got rid of about half of what we actually had, but we still got a good chunk of change from it, which was pretty cool.
I think that's the best summary of my self-improvement, at least at this point...Things are about to get seriously crazy, especially with my jellybean coming. We'll see how things progress from there!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Apparently...
I'm just not happy giving birth to a child this year and becoming a mother...I have to go save everybody's ta-tas too.
Realistically, there are several reasons for all these things occurring right now, none of the least, that I have AMAZING timing. (Please note sarcasm.) Anyways, in the past, when I have experienced times of high stress, (the good majority of college, a decent part of high school) one of the best things for me to combat the stress was to immerse myself in activities, usually along the creative lines, to help me focus on other things and take my mind off the stress. High school was all about event planning...homecoming, dances, activities around school etc. It was the first time I took ceramics, and while I suck at it ROOOYYYALLLYY, it was therapeutic to mess with clay on wheels and in general. (One of my pieces got entered in a city wide competition among high school students, so hey, don't knock my artistic talents.) One other thing that helped was volunteering. I volunteered in the Summer Camp program at the YMCA for two years, and the first year I did it, I received the Youth Volunteer of the Year award...at the age of 16, no less. (Continuing proof that giving to others CAN help you.)
Anyways, I've had my eye on the annual Bra-ha-ha competition that started up about 2 years ago in the area. They only have the competition in two areas, here and in New York. Basically, you decorate a 38C bra in whatever design you choose from hilarious to whimsical and submit it to the competition. All the money raised goes towards the local regional hospital's breast center, and whoever wins with the best design, wins $1000. If nothing else, I feel like this will be a good way to keep my hands occupied for an additional two months, along with baby shower planning, baby room planning, and baby planning in general. (69 days to go by the way. Yikes!)
Then, in a rather disappointing turn of events, I've developed Gestational Diabetes! Arrrrgh! Measure everything! Grrr! Eat 6 times a day! Arrrrgh! Poke myself 4 times a day! Blaaaarrrgh! Still get to eat carbs...huh? Yep. Saw my dietitian today, who was very helpful with meal planning, ideas for things to eat, what things to be careful about intaking, measuring out how much I need to eat and all other kinds of dietary nonsense. After this, i'm excited, surprisingly. Its helpful to have an idea of what things I can and can't have and how much to have, and while its annoying, well, i'm still intaking 2000 calories a day (which is the normal intake for the preggos of the world.) Its not as scary as other people made it sound, its more a matter of just being careful how much you eat and what you are eating, and keeping an eye on it all. Its really what everyone should do.
There are several ways you can develop Gestational Diabetes, and no, its not just from being a fat ass or drinking soda all the time (though none of that helps). A lot of it is family history stuff, like being Hispanic or African-American, being over 25 when having a child, and family history of diabetes. I'm half-Hispanic, almost 28 years old and my mom developed gestational diabetes when she had me! Gee, I wasn't predisposed to develop this at all. I'm not thrilled, but I needed this. It'll help me get my eating habits under control.
Two big things that will help cut my blood sugar down, is (1) reducing stress (I.E., less freaking out about baby stuff, more yoga), and (2) Exercise. This is where saving ta-tas once again comes into play. I've always wanted to do the Susan G. Komen Foundation Run for the Cure, but have always allowed myself to come up with all these reasons why I don't have time to do it. But, losing the baby weight within the next year or so, and then continuing to lose weight afterwards is really important to me, if nothing else for my health. So, i'm going to do the 5k Walk for the Cure, a month after I have the baby. (Well, as long as he doesn't decide to cook for an extra couple of days or so.) I'm kind of excited. I'm not much a runner at all, so I highly doubt I'll ever actually run a race, but, i'm pretty good at walking and walking is a good form of exercise, especially at this stage of pregnancy. I'll keep you abreast (hahaha) of my progress as I go. :)
Other than that, I'm trying to focus on healthy thoughts for my baby. Everything else becomes less important as my child gets closer and closer to arriving. I can do this. I can do this. NO, wait, WE can do this.
Realistically, there are several reasons for all these things occurring right now, none of the least, that I have AMAZING timing. (Please note sarcasm.) Anyways, in the past, when I have experienced times of high stress, (the good majority of college, a decent part of high school) one of the best things for me to combat the stress was to immerse myself in activities, usually along the creative lines, to help me focus on other things and take my mind off the stress. High school was all about event planning...homecoming, dances, activities around school etc. It was the first time I took ceramics, and while I suck at it ROOOYYYALLLYY, it was therapeutic to mess with clay on wheels and in general. (One of my pieces got entered in a city wide competition among high school students, so hey, don't knock my artistic talents.) One other thing that helped was volunteering. I volunteered in the Summer Camp program at the YMCA for two years, and the first year I did it, I received the Youth Volunteer of the Year award...at the age of 16, no less. (Continuing proof that giving to others CAN help you.)
Anyways, I've had my eye on the annual Bra-ha-ha competition that started up about 2 years ago in the area. They only have the competition in two areas, here and in New York. Basically, you decorate a 38C bra in whatever design you choose from hilarious to whimsical and submit it to the competition. All the money raised goes towards the local regional hospital's breast center, and whoever wins with the best design, wins $1000. If nothing else, I feel like this will be a good way to keep my hands occupied for an additional two months, along with baby shower planning, baby room planning, and baby planning in general. (69 days to go by the way. Yikes!)
Then, in a rather disappointing turn of events, I've developed Gestational Diabetes! Arrrrgh! Measure everything! Grrr! Eat 6 times a day! Arrrrgh! Poke myself 4 times a day! Blaaaarrrgh! Still get to eat carbs...huh? Yep. Saw my dietitian today, who was very helpful with meal planning, ideas for things to eat, what things to be careful about intaking, measuring out how much I need to eat and all other kinds of dietary nonsense. After this, i'm excited, surprisingly. Its helpful to have an idea of what things I can and can't have and how much to have, and while its annoying, well, i'm still intaking 2000 calories a day (which is the normal intake for the preggos of the world.) Its not as scary as other people made it sound, its more a matter of just being careful how much you eat and what you are eating, and keeping an eye on it all. Its really what everyone should do.
There are several ways you can develop Gestational Diabetes, and no, its not just from being a fat ass or drinking soda all the time (though none of that helps). A lot of it is family history stuff, like being Hispanic or African-American, being over 25 when having a child, and family history of diabetes. I'm half-Hispanic, almost 28 years old and my mom developed gestational diabetes when she had me! Gee, I wasn't predisposed to develop this at all. I'm not thrilled, but I needed this. It'll help me get my eating habits under control.
Two big things that will help cut my blood sugar down, is (1) reducing stress (I.E., less freaking out about baby stuff, more yoga), and (2) Exercise. This is where saving ta-tas once again comes into play. I've always wanted to do the Susan G. Komen Foundation Run for the Cure, but have always allowed myself to come up with all these reasons why I don't have time to do it. But, losing the baby weight within the next year or so, and then continuing to lose weight afterwards is really important to me, if nothing else for my health. So, i'm going to do the 5k Walk for the Cure, a month after I have the baby. (Well, as long as he doesn't decide to cook for an extra couple of days or so.) I'm kind of excited. I'm not much a runner at all, so I highly doubt I'll ever actually run a race, but, i'm pretty good at walking and walking is a good form of exercise, especially at this stage of pregnancy. I'll keep you abreast (hahaha) of my progress as I go. :)
Other than that, I'm trying to focus on healthy thoughts for my baby. Everything else becomes less important as my child gets closer and closer to arriving. I can do this. I can do this. NO, wait, WE can do this.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Reasons Why People Are Too Uptight These Days...
Reason # 238: They take themselves waaaaaaaaaay too seriously.
For real, seriously, I mean I know I take myself pretty seriously sometimes. Sometimes, I lose my sense of humor, but whatever. The point, is that 99% of the population takes themselves entirely too seriously for their own damn good. Its not healthy. Its why people are dropping dead of heart attacks at 40. My dad may not be in the best shape of his life, but damn it, he's 72, and after getting shot in Vietnam, having a brick thrown at his car (partially destroying part of his face), having two kids after the age of 40, an angina attack (backwards heart attack), triple bypass, diabetes, knee replacement surgery that put him in ICU before it was all overwith, and the latest bout of health problems, he's still alive, kicking and laughing about it all. My dad knows how to laugh and just be happy, no matter how tight things get in his life.
The point of all this, is that the other night, I got full proof that people take themselves way too seriously.
Here's the deal...I don't talk about my job much. Its not the favorite part of my life and dwelling on it after I've left just leaves me way too stressed, which is bad for the jellybean. But, this story is just so...silly, I can't help but share it.
My job involves a drive-thru. Primary reason #1 why it sucks. But, in that drive-thru, I experience more crap from crazy people than the law allows. Here's why people take themselves waaay too seriously.
Me: "Hi, Can I take your order?
Customer: (Engine Roar) "BLOAOIHERKJNBEURIBRT CAN I GET AHDIUGHUIHWEBIUWBERH?"
Me: "Ummm, i'm sorry, can you repeat that for me?
Customer: (still with engine roaring in background) "CAN I GET A NBHEURITHUIWEJHTGJB WITH A COKE?"
Me: "I apologize sir, can you repeat that for me one more time?"
Customer: (engine roar still in full effect) "CAN...I....GET...A...NUMBER...8...WITHOUT ADFIHAUIH...WITH...A...COKE?"
(Hi, i'm not stupid. If you would not park the engine of your car right beside the speaker, I would be able to hear your lousy order. Mmm, k, thanks.)
Me: "I'm very sorry sir, but i'm having a tough time hearing you. Is there anyway you could speak up?"
Customer: (engine roar dies down) CAN...I...GET...A...NUMBER...8...WITHOUT PICKLE...AND...A...COKE?
(Again, not stupid. Please stop speaking to me like i'm 4.)
Me: (Super, super nice voice) Sure, no problem, Total's blah blah blah. Please pull around.
Guy pulls around...Oh great, your Mr. Mid-life crisis, driving a pretty new Chevy Camaro. Just freaking great.
Me: Hi, sir, you're total's blah blah blah.
(I wait, while he gets his money together and proceed to take another order. He leaves his hand hanging out the window with the money in it.)
Me: Hi sir, I can go ahead and take your money. (Waits for him to acknowledge to me, then gently pulls on the money, he turns gives me a dirty look and hands me the money.)
(Process order, get change together and receipt, hand him the receipt, he closes his fist just I go to hand him his change, change bounces off of his hand and on to the ground.)
Me: Oh, I'm so sorry sir. (Customer glares at me and opens his car door without saying a word.)
(I proceed to take another order, then look over and realize the guy is still sitting there and open the window.)
Me: How can I help you sir?
Customer: I hope you didn't scratch my brand new Chevy Camero.
(You have got to be f-ing kidding me. WTF?)
Me: (Looks at car first.) Well sir, it doesn't look like I did, but if I did, I am very very sorry sir. I did not mean to if I did sir.
Customer: You know, you have been EXTREMELY rude to me during this whole entire time.
Me: I'm sorry, sir. I was not trying to be rude to you at all.
Customer: Whatever. (Pulls off to next window.)
Are you freaking kidding me? Would you like to sue me for the cost of the scratch on your car? I make $8.00 an hour and work less than 40 hours a week. Get the f over it!
By the way, he bitched about me to my boss. My boss's response..."Well, she's 7 months pregnant, so it kinda comes with the territory." Haha.
For real, seriously, I mean I know I take myself pretty seriously sometimes. Sometimes, I lose my sense of humor, but whatever. The point, is that 99% of the population takes themselves entirely too seriously for their own damn good. Its not healthy. Its why people are dropping dead of heart attacks at 40. My dad may not be in the best shape of his life, but damn it, he's 72, and after getting shot in Vietnam, having a brick thrown at his car (partially destroying part of his face), having two kids after the age of 40, an angina attack (backwards heart attack), triple bypass, diabetes, knee replacement surgery that put him in ICU before it was all overwith, and the latest bout of health problems, he's still alive, kicking and laughing about it all. My dad knows how to laugh and just be happy, no matter how tight things get in his life.
The point of all this, is that the other night, I got full proof that people take themselves way too seriously.
Here's the deal...I don't talk about my job much. Its not the favorite part of my life and dwelling on it after I've left just leaves me way too stressed, which is bad for the jellybean. But, this story is just so...silly, I can't help but share it.
My job involves a drive-thru. Primary reason #1 why it sucks. But, in that drive-thru, I experience more crap from crazy people than the law allows. Here's why people take themselves waaay too seriously.
Me: "Hi, Can I take your order?
Customer: (Engine Roar) "BLOAOIHERKJNBEURIBRT CAN I GET AHDIUGHUIHWEBIUWBERH?"
Me: "Ummm, i'm sorry, can you repeat that for me?
Customer: (still with engine roaring in background) "CAN I GET A NBHEURITHUIWEJHTGJB WITH A COKE?"
Me: "I apologize sir, can you repeat that for me one more time?"
Customer: (engine roar still in full effect) "CAN...I....GET...A...NUMBER...8...WITHOUT ADFIHAUIH...WITH...A...COKE?"
(Hi, i'm not stupid. If you would not park the engine of your car right beside the speaker, I would be able to hear your lousy order. Mmm, k, thanks.)
Me: "I'm very sorry sir, but i'm having a tough time hearing you. Is there anyway you could speak up?"
Customer: (engine roar dies down) CAN...I...GET...A...NUMBER...8...WITHOUT PICKLE...AND...A...COKE?
(Again, not stupid. Please stop speaking to me like i'm 4.)
Me: (Super, super nice voice) Sure, no problem, Total's blah blah blah. Please pull around.
Guy pulls around...Oh great, your Mr. Mid-life crisis, driving a pretty new Chevy Camaro. Just freaking great.
Me: Hi, sir, you're total's blah blah blah.
(I wait, while he gets his money together and proceed to take another order. He leaves his hand hanging out the window with the money in it.)
Me: Hi sir, I can go ahead and take your money. (Waits for him to acknowledge to me, then gently pulls on the money, he turns gives me a dirty look and hands me the money.)
(Process order, get change together and receipt, hand him the receipt, he closes his fist just I go to hand him his change, change bounces off of his hand and on to the ground.)
Me: Oh, I'm so sorry sir. (Customer glares at me and opens his car door without saying a word.)
(I proceed to take another order, then look over and realize the guy is still sitting there and open the window.)
Me: How can I help you sir?
Customer: I hope you didn't scratch my brand new Chevy Camero.
(You have got to be f-ing kidding me. WTF?)
Me: (Looks at car first.) Well sir, it doesn't look like I did, but if I did, I am very very sorry sir. I did not mean to if I did sir.
Customer: You know, you have been EXTREMELY rude to me during this whole entire time.
Me: I'm sorry, sir. I was not trying to be rude to you at all.
Customer: Whatever. (Pulls off to next window.)
Are you freaking kidding me? Would you like to sue me for the cost of the scratch on your car? I make $8.00 an hour and work less than 40 hours a week. Get the f over it!
By the way, he bitched about me to my boss. My boss's response..."Well, she's 7 months pregnant, so it kinda comes with the territory." Haha.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Letting go...
I'm in a complicated stretch of my life right now. My young son, who's newest favorite thing is to shove parts of his body against parts of mine, is arriving in about three months. This is good. I've gotten through the first two trimesters. But this is bad...i'm a procrastinator and I have a ton to do like I said last time and its a bit overwhelming. At least i'm not doing it alone though. That makes life easier.
The biggest thing, out of everything we have to accomplish, besides getting our car fixed (which we are almost there with, yay!), is clearing out four rooms of this house in three months. It used to be five rooms, but in a pure moment of manic nesting syndrome, I dragged my family out to the garage and we cleaned it! Well, most of it. We easily got rid of TWO TRUCKLOADS of crap to the dump and about a truckload and a half of stuff to Goodwill that had been sitting in our garage for the last 22 years or so. We've lived here a long time, since right before D.R was born. Time has not been our friend in terms of accumulation and we are all bad for it. We found old toys (like my Alvin and the Chipmunks doll I got for Christmas 1984 with the pull string on the back that I pulled so much, his voice doesn't work anymore, we chucked him), D.R's stories he wrote back in school (with his overactive imagination, I can't for the life of me figure out why he doesn't try writing...or becoming a lawyer...i still need to have a dictionary beside me to have a conversation with him sometimes), things my mom had meant to send out to her family in South America and about 3 bazillion tool boxes that my dad has. Anyways, we cleaned it. It was weird. It was the most room any of us had seen out there in about 10 years. And, it left us with enough room to shove a queen size bed, a desk and a trunk out there from my room.
Yep, we cleaned my room. Well, we cleared out stuff, how about we say that. My queen size bed was replaced with a California king size bed, that i'm really surprised we fit into my room at all. The mattress is only two years old though, and very comfy. I'm sleeping much better. My desk is gone, which sucks, because I have nowhere to put bills and stuff, but its making me get rid of shit, which is good. I still have a lot of crap that I have to figure out what to do with. I'm getting rid of most of the evening gowns I have, except for two (one for a trash the dress photo shoot and one that I just like and should still fit me once I have the jellybean), I need to organize and pack away my CD collection and then start going through and converting my DVD collection to blu-ray. Plus going through my clothes. Which is gonna be weird, considering I've decided to give MOST of it away that I was wearing pre-pregnancy and start over again when I have the baby. I still have a long way to go, and i'm not sure if I'm going to be done by the time the baby comes. But there are still three other rooms of this house to clean.
Next, is the dining room, which is about 15 years worth of crap from soccer balls to camping equipment, to board games and books. Its gonna take some time, but its a smaller room compared to the garage, so I think it'll work out faster in the end. Then, we gotta clear out the living room, which has pretty much become baby storage stuff. Then, D.R.'s room, who has graciously agreed to move into the living room so that the baby can have his room. Basically, all the cleaning is a method of madness of sorts. And this is boring, I know. But the mess has consumed my life. Its like being underwater, and just wanting to burst up to the surface for air. Its left me consumed in memories when I stumble upon things.
In a real shocker, I've actually gotten rid of photographs. As an amateur photographer, this is so not my style. But, I find in my current emotional state, I'm almost allowing myself to feel emotions other than happiness, and while some of the photos stay because they make me happy, other have to go in the trash because they make me angry. I think its what I knew all along. I clean up my home, maybe i'll clean up the rest of my life. Get rid of other things that make me angry. Learn to continue to be happy with the person I am. I may not have a title, a million dollar paycheck or even a clean room. But I have a family who loves me, a man who cherishes me, faults and all, with no judgement for my past and an adorable little man coming into my life. So, why do I keep holding on the past, besides wanting to remember the good times? Isn't it time to let go of the sadness, the anger? To stop punishing myself for whatever things I did against others that I've already apologized for. To stop allowing myself to feel inferior because I don't have this, that or the other, or don't do things a certain way. I've digressed completely, but I was trying to get here. Its where I've been for months, maybe years. And, its hard to get out of the cycle once you're in it. Once you allow others to allow you to feel inferior, its hard to escape. Its such an easy mold to fit. I'm not this because I don't have that, and I'm not that because I don't do this and I don't love so and so because I do this instead of that. Screw it all. Holding on to photographs that make me upset, doesn't make me a better person. Trying to hold on to things that don't bring back good memories doesn't make me happy. If I'm really going to try to start anew per say, isn't it time to just let it all go?
The biggest thing, out of everything we have to accomplish, besides getting our car fixed (which we are almost there with, yay!), is clearing out four rooms of this house in three months. It used to be five rooms, but in a pure moment of manic nesting syndrome, I dragged my family out to the garage and we cleaned it! Well, most of it. We easily got rid of TWO TRUCKLOADS of crap to the dump and about a truckload and a half of stuff to Goodwill that had been sitting in our garage for the last 22 years or so. We've lived here a long time, since right before D.R was born. Time has not been our friend in terms of accumulation and we are all bad for it. We found old toys (like my Alvin and the Chipmunks doll I got for Christmas 1984 with the pull string on the back that I pulled so much, his voice doesn't work anymore, we chucked him), D.R's stories he wrote back in school (with his overactive imagination, I can't for the life of me figure out why he doesn't try writing...or becoming a lawyer...i still need to have a dictionary beside me to have a conversation with him sometimes), things my mom had meant to send out to her family in South America and about 3 bazillion tool boxes that my dad has. Anyways, we cleaned it. It was weird. It was the most room any of us had seen out there in about 10 years. And, it left us with enough room to shove a queen size bed, a desk and a trunk out there from my room.
Yep, we cleaned my room. Well, we cleared out stuff, how about we say that. My queen size bed was replaced with a California king size bed, that i'm really surprised we fit into my room at all. The mattress is only two years old though, and very comfy. I'm sleeping much better. My desk is gone, which sucks, because I have nowhere to put bills and stuff, but its making me get rid of shit, which is good. I still have a lot of crap that I have to figure out what to do with. I'm getting rid of most of the evening gowns I have, except for two (one for a trash the dress photo shoot and one that I just like and should still fit me once I have the jellybean), I need to organize and pack away my CD collection and then start going through and converting my DVD collection to blu-ray. Plus going through my clothes. Which is gonna be weird, considering I've decided to give MOST of it away that I was wearing pre-pregnancy and start over again when I have the baby. I still have a long way to go, and i'm not sure if I'm going to be done by the time the baby comes. But there are still three other rooms of this house to clean.
Next, is the dining room, which is about 15 years worth of crap from soccer balls to camping equipment, to board games and books. Its gonna take some time, but its a smaller room compared to the garage, so I think it'll work out faster in the end. Then, we gotta clear out the living room, which has pretty much become baby storage stuff. Then, D.R.'s room, who has graciously agreed to move into the living room so that the baby can have his room. Basically, all the cleaning is a method of madness of sorts. And this is boring, I know. But the mess has consumed my life. Its like being underwater, and just wanting to burst up to the surface for air. Its left me consumed in memories when I stumble upon things.
In a real shocker, I've actually gotten rid of photographs. As an amateur photographer, this is so not my style. But, I find in my current emotional state, I'm almost allowing myself to feel emotions other than happiness, and while some of the photos stay because they make me happy, other have to go in the trash because they make me angry. I think its what I knew all along. I clean up my home, maybe i'll clean up the rest of my life. Get rid of other things that make me angry. Learn to continue to be happy with the person I am. I may not have a title, a million dollar paycheck or even a clean room. But I have a family who loves me, a man who cherishes me, faults and all, with no judgement for my past and an adorable little man coming into my life. So, why do I keep holding on the past, besides wanting to remember the good times? Isn't it time to let go of the sadness, the anger? To stop punishing myself for whatever things I did against others that I've already apologized for. To stop allowing myself to feel inferior because I don't have this, that or the other, or don't do things a certain way. I've digressed completely, but I was trying to get here. Its where I've been for months, maybe years. And, its hard to get out of the cycle once you're in it. Once you allow others to allow you to feel inferior, its hard to escape. Its such an easy mold to fit. I'm not this because I don't have that, and I'm not that because I don't do this and I don't love so and so because I do this instead of that. Screw it all. Holding on to photographs that make me upset, doesn't make me a better person. Trying to hold on to things that don't bring back good memories doesn't make me happy. If I'm really going to try to start anew per say, isn't it time to just let it all go?
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
90 days just doesn't feel like enough time...
Actually, if you want real honesty, its 88 days. And it doesn't feel like I have enough time to accomplish everything that I need/want to do.
Here's the breakdown...
Things I need to have accomplished between now and Sept. 11
-Finish Baby registries
-Give mother-in-law info on Snoopy bed set I want
-Finish finalizing details on Baby showers
-Settle on some freaking paint colors and paint the baby's room
-Clear out four rooms of my parents house so we have room for the jellybean
-Get the family van AND mine and the boy's car fixed
-Pre-register at the hospital
-Register me and the boy for child education classes
-Register for a free carseat
-Get pregnancy photographs taken(?)
-Do MORE yoga
-Oh, and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life, so that I won't be destitute or contribute to the boy's and jellybean's destitutiness (Is that even a word? I'm making crap up as I go.)
It just doesn't feel like there's enough time to accomplish any of it. Somethings I'm obviously not doing alone. Some of it is not even my responsibility, it just feels like it is, because if I wasn't pregnant, two-thirds of this wouldn't need to happen.
Blarghblooooooghnhbotighfoiehgofihjdsogihdeoi phhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht!
Approximately 10 hours later...
Crap! I forgot other stuff...this is why I write everything down in three different places...
Other stuff I need to do between now and Sept. 11
-Get everyone's addresses for the baby showers.
Ok, now I think that's it. PHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT!!!
Here's the breakdown...
Things I need to have accomplished between now and Sept. 11
-Finish Baby registries
-Give mother-in-law info on Snoopy bed set I want
-Finish finalizing details on Baby showers
-Settle on some freaking paint colors and paint the baby's room
-Clear out four rooms of my parents house so we have room for the jellybean
-Get the family van AND mine and the boy's car fixed
-Pre-register at the hospital
-Register me and the boy for child education classes
-Register for a free carseat
-Get pregnancy photographs taken(?)
-Do MORE yoga
-Oh, and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life, so that I won't be destitute or contribute to the boy's and jellybean's destitutiness (Is that even a word? I'm making crap up as I go.)
It just doesn't feel like there's enough time to accomplish any of it. Somethings I'm obviously not doing alone. Some of it is not even my responsibility, it just feels like it is, because if I wasn't pregnant, two-thirds of this wouldn't need to happen.
Blarghblooooooghnhbotighfoiehgofihjdsogihdeoi phhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht!
Approximately 10 hours later...
Crap! I forgot other stuff...this is why I write everything down in three different places...
Other stuff I need to do between now and Sept. 11
-Get everyone's addresses for the baby showers.
Ok, now I think that's it. PHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
